May 10 - Jeff and Leslie Jacobs of Boca Raton, Florida, and their 14-year-old son Derek, had microchips surgically implanted into their arms earlier today, making them the first volunteer members of the zombie legions of the undead.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Mr. Jacobs explained to a reporter asking whether he had yet developed an appetite for human flesh.

"We're not dead," his chipper wife explained. She refused to deny, however, that they were undead.

Announcement of the Jacobs family implants shocked a number of men and women who like to think of themselves as scientists, many of whom own bunsen burners.

"I don't know how people could volunteer for something like this," observed one such science and technology critic from nearby Gator Willows, who claimed to be wearing a lab coat as he spoke to your correspondent on the telephone. "Everyone knows these chips turn you into the unwitting accomplice of nefarious government forces operating out of some deep mountain bunker. The world's got three more zombies than it had this morning."

The implanted chips were designed by Applied Digital Solutions of Palm Beach, who deny any affiliation with undead zombies or shadow governments. "The chips are really a medical breakthrough," a company spokesperson said. "We're not interested in Zombies. What kind of business strategy would that be?"

Exactly what many people who've read a science magazine or two want to know.