Sept. 23 - As it turns out, the American media weren't overflowing with retrospectives to mark the 40th anniversary of JFK's assassination yesterday after all. A friend wrote in to suggest that this may have been because yesterday was not the 40th anniversary of JFK's assassination.
JFK was assassinated on November 22, not September 22. My friend remembers this, he tells me, because as a child he always thought it had something to do with Thanksgiving.
I have no idea how I got my months mixed up like that. One of the benefits of having a site named "JustMorons.com," however, is that it's almost superfluous to admit I was wrong.
But wrong I was.
Here's are a few other things I've been wrong about in the past few months. If my moronic life has any value at all, it's surely as a cautionary tale.
· The difference between kilograms and pounds is not "whatever." This is especially important to keep in mind at the gym.
· The difference between Celsius and Fahrenheit is also not "whatever." This is especially important to keep in mind when using an oven.
· It's true that most American computers can operate off European power. Some computers, however, require you to switch a little pin from one position to another before plugging in to a foreign outlet. If you're not sure whether or not your computer has such a pin, go ahead and plug it in anyway. If it has one, it will let you know by issuing a loud pop, spewing sparks, and venting a thick plume of toxic smoke.
· When patronizing a coin-operated tanning salon where the tanning bed's controls are outside the room in which the bed is located, don't take off your clothes and rub lotion all over your body until after you've set the controls.
· When moving overseas, don't mail your passport and birth certificate ahead of you.
· If you live on the ground floor of an apartment complex, awareness of whether or not your windows are open will simultaneously help you maintain your dignity and your romantic life.
· In unfamiliar cities with devalued currencies, it's still a good idea to ask how much a cab ride costs before you get into one for a three-mile ride.
· Do not speak in Danish of kissing or kisses until your pronunciation is perfect.
A Pax on Every House
August Caesar was born on this day in 63 BC. The first real Roman Emperor, Caesar introduced the famous Pax Romana. This was a political policy which stated that any country which did not object to being conquered by Rome would be conquered by Rome. Countries not wishing to be conquered by Rome stood in violation of this policy, and were therefore invaded until they agreed to be conquered. This ensured peace throughout the world.
Bruce Springsteen and Jason Alexander turn 54 today. It's also the burthday of Mary Kay Place (1947), Paul Petersen (1945), Julio Iglesias (1943), Ray Charles (1930), John Coltrane (1926), and Mickey Rooney (1920).
It's the Foundation of the Kingdom Day in Saudi Arabia.
© 2003, The Moron's Almanac