Moronism Text

THIS IS THE FAST-LOADING, UNPRETTY, TEXT-ONLY EDITION.
IF YOU WANT FULL GRAPHIC GLORY, CLICK HERE.

	The common run of people... betray their utter slavishness in their preference for a life suitable to cattle.		ARISTOTLE Noted Greek philosopher, second husband of Jacqueline Kennedy, student of Plato, and tutor to Alexander the Great, Alexander the Excellent, and Alexander the Trying Really Hard.

CICERO Noted Roman statesman, orator, and best-selling author of treatises such as, "On Justice," "On Friendship," "On Donner," and "On Blitzen."	A fool can neither escape the future nor endure the present.

	Men are so blind that they even take pride in their blindness.	AUGUSTINE OF HIPPO Fornicator, drinker, partier, shit-disturber, and eventual Saint.

There are a set of religious, or rather moral writers, who teach that virtue is the certain road to happiness, and vice to misery, in this world. A very wholesome and comfortable doctrine, and to which we have but one objection, namely, that it is not true.
HENRY FIELDING			Whoever fails to degrade the mind avenges himself by insulting it.
			BEAUMARCHAIS Frenchman best known for his creation of the character Figaro, who finally achieved international prominence centuries later in the Bugs Bunny Cartoon, "The Bunny of Seville."

	Then why has God put us on earth? To drive us mad.
	VOLTAIRE Frenchman best known for his conception in Paris. Also known for his wig, recently purchased from a private collection in France by Dennis Rodman.

Is not the existence of the most of mankind largely the result of a hot July afternoon, or the tempting sight of bed-linen, or the horizontal position of some sleeping kitchen nymph, or the putting out of a light?
	FRIEDRICH SCHILLER Celebrated German author and playwright, best known for being one of three German artists not to have been eventually responsible for Hitler.	Man is born of filth, and wades a little while in filth, and makes filth, and rots down again in filth, till at the last he’s not more than the muck that sticks to the soles of his great-grandson’s shoes.

Man is very lavish in the use of the word 'fool' and is ready to apply it twenty times a day to his neighbor.	NIKOLAI GOGOL Russian author who couldn't be bothered to finish writing his novels, and who [here the text breaks off]	And it became abundantly clear what sort of creature man is: wise, clever, and sensible in all things that concern others but not himself.

IVAN TURGENEV	Man is capable of understanding everything: how the ether vibrates, and what's taking place on the sun; but when it comes to how another man can blow his nose in a way that differs from one's own-- why, that's something beyond one's powers of comprehension.

Get rid of those ninnies. They take life too seriously. Life is a joke.	HONORE DE BALZAC French author whose crowning achievement was "Le Comedie Humaine" (in English, "Le Comedie Humaine"). Balzac added the "de" to his name himself, without getting anyone's approval or filling out any forms beforehand.		If people only thought a little more about it, they would see that life is not worth worrying about so much.
			MIKHAIL LERMONTOV

	...People do not know what they ought to say, but only that they must say something.	SØREN KIERKEGAARD Famous Dutch philosopher. (Or Danish, whichever.) Often blamed for founding Existentialism, a philosophy which has fallen out of favor since the Baby Boomers' discovery of equity funds, but which was nonetheless responsible for Angst, Fear & Trembling, Despair, and Peter Fonda.

As soon as man applies his intelligence and only his intelligence to any object at all, he unfailingly destroys the object.
	COUNT LEO TOLSTOY Applying his intelligence to the study of mankind.

	You're no madman, you just have no sense... I used to think anyone like that was ill and abnormal, but my view now is that having no sense is man's normal condition. You're perfectly normal.
ANTON CHEKHOV Russian playwright and physician, best known for his role on Star Trek.
	We must declare point-blank that nobody can make head or tail of anything in this world. Only fools and charlatans know all and understand all.

And heaven have mercy on us all--Presbyterians and Pagans alike--for we are all somehow dreadfully cracked about the head, and sadly need mending.			There is no folly of the beasts of the earth which is not infinitely outdone by the madness of man.
		HERMAN MELVILLE Famous American novelist, nefarious arch-enemy of Greenpeace, author of the greatest tail ever written.
	Seat thyself sultanically among the moons of Saturn, and take high abstracted man alone; and he seems a wonder, a grandeur, and a woe. But from the same point take mankind in mass, and for the most part, they seem a mob of unnecessary duplicates, both contemporary and hereditary.

	FRIEDRICH NIETZSCHE A noted German syphillitic, Nietzsche was the original inventor of Superman. Unfortunately, Nietszsche's Superman did not wear skintight leotards or have a big "S" on his chest, so people couldn't really distinguish him from the other superheroes and he languished in obscurity for decades.	The bite on which I gagged the most is not the knowledge that life itself requires hostility and death and torture-crosses--but once I asked, and I was almost choked by my question: What? does life require even the rabble? Are poisoned wells required, and stinking fires and soiled dreams and maggots in the bread of life?

Both stupidity and the greatest genius are equally useful in shaping the destiny of mankind.
FYODOR DOSTOYEVSKY Despite his beard, or perhaps because of it, Dostoyevsky was a victim of Russian Literature, a plague that swept through eastern Europe and western Asia in the second half of the nineteenth century and is considered to have been responsible for the Freedom of the Surf, which eventually resulted in Redondo Beach.			Godhead, face to face with Stupidity, must compromise.
			GEORGE BERNARD SHAW One of many British authors incapable of choosing a first name, Shaw abstained from sex for most of his life, and therefore had plenty of time to write. He is probably not related to CNN anchor Bernie Shaw, although no one has produced a picture of the two together.

	...The world is only one heavenly body among millions upon millions... there are countless suns in the Milky Way, each one with its own planets, and... you yourself are a very worthless individual-- if not, to put it grossly, a pile of crap.
		JOSEPH ROTH

I wonder if cosmically any idea is more important than the bowels.	OLIVER WENDELL HOLMES, JR. Noted son of Oliver Wendell Holmes, Sr.

	Not every man can have wisdom, sir. Stupid people have to exist too, because if everyone were wise then there would be so much good sense in the world that every other person would be driven crazy by it.
		JAROSLAV HASEK One of those poor bastards who writes a book then dies.	It's only human nature that a chap should go on making mistakes until he dies.

Yes. Drink more, eat less. This is the best method of avoiding self-conceit...
VENEDIKT EROFEEV