- "When I was in the Navy I had to go to a school in San Diego to enhance my
education. While there I was assigned to do Shore Patrol Duty every 4 days. I
had a fellow moron assigned as my partner and while on patrol one day he offered me this
little piece of paper with Donald Duck drawn on it. So I ate it. We drove
around San Diego in a Police Car with 45 Automatics straped to our hips, totally blazing
on LSD. We spent most of the nite at the beach with the red and blue lights on the
car on just trippin' and saying Wowww."
- "Forgot to feed my gerbils, who then decided to eat one another. To this day
I thought they had been friends and fail to understand why they could consume each
- "A fly landed on my computer monitor -- I attempted to flick it off by moving the
mouse around so that the arrow on the screen would run into the fly and brush it off --
and I tried it a couple times before I realized why it didn't work! (This was at
4am, to my credit, sort of)."
- "While young and drunk visiting Paris, I tried to light a cigarette off the eternal
flame at the tomb of the unknown soldier, and I accidentally blew it out."
- "I have a picture of myself and my girlfriend smugly mugging it up in an Oakville
bar while our charter plane was flying to Ireland without us."
- "I have paid for food at a drive-thru and then driven off without the food on
- "I paid (and paid and paid) for my master's degree with Visa and Mastercard."
- "As I was walking up to the beautiful Hotel Del Coronado in San Diego, I walked
into a large ceramic ash tray and knocked it over. I walked quickly away as its
contents smashed on the cement."
- "The worst one was when I scared myself at a function when I walked past a
- "I drove to the sitter to drop my 3 children off and only after I entered the
building did I realize I had only two of them."
- "Drilled a hole in the air conditioner to let out the water and hit the freon
- "Once I ran into a pull door thinking it would push open. It didn't. So
I moved to the next door and did the same thing."
- "I managed to accidentally re-write my website's entire index page with a friend's
chicken dance page."
- "Once spent the whole day thinking it was the next day and when I realized I
started to cry."
- "Put way too much wood in the woodstove & had the fire really blazing. My
small house was extremely hot -- even with the windows open in February it was unbearable.
To remedy this I decided to take some of the hot coals out and dump them in the
snow outside. Without stopping to think, I put some in the little grate shovel,
walked all the way across the house, across the carpeted office floor to the door which I
hadn't thought to open beforehand. When I went to open it I dropped coals on the
floor which burnt several small holes in the carpet. Finally got the coals outside.
Came back in and as I was walking to the woodstove realized I was staring directly
at the patio doors that are right beside the woodstove."
- "I was playing around with superglue and when I heard crying from my friend's baby
I found his diapered-butt super-glued to a large box."
- "When rather drunk at a party, I had decided to get hold of the final pint of
Guinness for the night; I placed it behind me and tried to finish off my drunken game of
pool. Two minutes later my feet were getting wet, and looking behind me, I'd knocked
the flaming pint all over the floor, with the end of the pool cue!"
- "Photograghed a whole wedding in a new blazer with a product info tag hanging under
- "Completely replaced a computer's power supply box before realizing I had neglected
to plug the original into the wall socket the first time."
- "I went to a party with one of my friends and had him put my camera in his pocket
(I didn't have one). So after a while I decided I wanted to take some pictures of my
friends goofing off and I spotted him having a conversation with someone. His back
was to me and I didn't want to disturb their conversation so I just put my hand in his
pocket and started fishing around for my camera. Just about that time my friend came
around the corner. I looked up and saw a total stranger staring at me."
- "I also have gotten myself stuck underneath a pool table."
- "I was in K-mart and I saw a whole shelf of Tickle-Me-Elmos.... So I decided
to tickle one. Soon enough it started laughing. Then it vibrated, so I put the
box back on the shelf. It was still vibrating. It hit another box of Elmos,
and that one started to laugh and vibrate... soon enough it all gave a chain
reaction. So this whole aisle of Tickle-Me-Elmos were vibrating and laughing....
then the vibrating got so intense that most of them were falling off the shelves.
I ran away, looking behind to see all of these Elmos laughing and falling...
still laughing on the ground... I ran into the jewelry section and heard the
announcers say 'Clean up in aisle 3.'"
- "After drinking heavily on opening day of football at the local sports bar, I went
home and I guess I felt the need to shower. Only one problem; I forgot to remove my
shirt and shorts (not just boxers). My wallet and cellphone were ruined. Good
thing the phone was still under warranty."
- "I've given birth to twin girls while raising my two year old daughter. Aaaaaaagggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"
- "I was playing Bingo with some friends and there is one game where you can pick
seven of your own Bingo numbers. I picked 77 as one of my numbers, only to realize
after the game had started that Bingo numbers only go up to 75. Needless to say I
- "I have washed my hair with hair remover."
- "I called the cops on my best friend's mom. I thought she was a stalker
parked in my driveway. She'd come an hour early to pick up my friend."
- "When I was asleep, I said, 'Some children got taken to the Houses of Parliament!'
The weird thing is, at school the next day they told us we were going to the Houses
- "On the advice of my son, I blew in the ear of a baby raccoon to get it off a
screen door. That did not work."
- "I have been proud to be my natural self."
- "The electricity went out in a thunderstorm once. I was having trouble
finding a flashlight in the dark, so I opened the refrigerator door so the light would
illuminate the kitchen and aid in my search."
- "I once went to sleep in my own bed, but woke up in the spare room, which is two
floors above, with absolutely no recollection of how this occurred."
- "I needed money, so I found two coke-bottles and decided to bring them to the
supermarket. I place them in the machine and I get a slip worth only 1 gld (guilder,
but just think dollar, you see...I'm Dutch). What happened is that one bottle fell
over in the machine, because someone had made a 'bong' out of it, you know... to
smoke certain 'herbs'. Anyway, I think to myself: I need more money! So I
proceed to put 2 full bottles in the machine when the thing starts beeping like hell!
I manage to leave without being noticed. I guess they have safety-features
for everything... Even for a moron like me!"
- "Stood in the bathroom with a towel in my hand and couldn't remember if I had just
showered or not."
- "I've paintballed about a quarter of my room trying to get a paint ball out of the
barrel of my gun. I had a crappy home-made tube where the hopper should be, and a
quark in the end. I had 17 paintballs in it. I swung my gun as hard as I could
a couple of times, hoping the paintball would come out. Instead the quark came out
and 17 paintballs went everywere. I ruined my blinds, stained the wall, and got
paint all over my school clothes. Then I got bitched at."
- "I have poured wine onto chicken frying in a pan of oil, igniting the pan and
causing a giant, flambeeing inferno in my kitchen. I then extinguished this
conflagration with a nylon ski jacket."
- "I've gotten incredibly mad at my computer for not loading a certain page and
punched the monitor so hard that I put a hole in it. I had to buy a new
- "I once went to a roller-skating party dressed up like Spock from Star Trek.
It turned out not to be a costume party."
- "When boiling water on the stove and filling the sink with water, attempting to
complete both tasks at the same time, put dish soap into the boiling water on the
- "I was on the phone and drinking juice and when I went to put the phone up to my
ear I poured the drink in my ear."
- "Talk to inamimate objects." [sic]
- "I have called my own phone number to see if it would sound busy."
- "I like the Texas Longhorns."
- "I thought Emlyn Hughes was a jockey."
- "I was half awake and half asleep, and my cat likes to sleep by my head and I was
petting her and then kissed her butt."
- "When I was young, a dog started licking me, so I started licking the dog."
- "Me and my friend Luther went to the store to buy bubble gum, and we got some.
Karl, another one of my friends, didn't get bubble gum so he started crying and
tried spiking Luther over a fence."
- "I once broke my leg while walking my dog... down some rickety steps, at night,
with no handrail, while my shoes were untied, and the dog? It was three-legged."
- "I support Reading Football Club."
- "I have treated checks as deposits in my check register."
- "I was at this church camp out with my youth group in the summer after 7th grade,
and a group of us were hanging out (late at night, so we were petty much the only ones
up). I don't know who started it, but someone rolled up a piece of bark in paper,
lit it on fire, and started smoking it. So, it got passed around the circle.
Yes, I did inhale, and yes, I did start coughing."
- "I have not picked up hitch hikers because the sign at the weigh station said 'No
- "I have been myself for all my life."
- "Let my dad and brother fold my clothes."
- "On numerous occasions, I have spent nearly an hour trying to select a lousy video
- "I set a huge pile of dry bushes on fire in my back yard and had flames shooting up
higher than the house. During the middle of a burn ban."
- "I once smoked ice and blew the clouds right in a cop's face. I also did the
same thing with weed. I also sprayed mace in the teacher's face back in 9th grade
because I got an F."
- "When I was 18 I joined the army. One day I lost my M-16
(deadly assualt rifle, luckily unloaded) and they almost had to close Fort Dix down.
I had been set-up by my drill sergeant (he was totally mean). Anyway, I ended up
with an inguinal hernia and got a medical discharge after 6 weeks. What was really
moronic was that, due to the hernia, I would walk around all day grabbing my crotch (it
hurt a little), and the recruits etc. would laugh at me even more, not just because I lost
my M16, but also becuase I was constantly 'touching' myself. Thanks for letting me
get this story off my back."
- "Gone to the store to get something and came home with every thing but what I went
- "Stuck my hand in wet paint just to see if the sign was true."
- "I lost a pair of expensive shoes. I thought someone had stolen them from my
unlocked car. Three months later I found them in my refrigerator."
- "Misspelled my own name! (Recently.)"
- "We got arrested for plumbing."
- "I was going on vacation and my friend was going to watch my two hamsters for me
while I was gone. I got my hamsters, their food, and their extra litter together,
and loaded up the car to take them to my friend's. I got in, drove off, and heard
clatter behind me. I had left the cage and my little pets on top of the car and they
had fallen off as I started to drive away. The cage cracked, and one of them got
away. I had to go to the store and spend another 50 bucks on a new cage for my lone
hamster before I left."
- "Moved from Tennessee to Michigan in December."
- "Lost something I specifically put somewhere so I wouldn't lose it."
- "At school we have this darkroom, and to make sure no light gets in there is a
hallway with a door on each end to get out. So when you enter or leave the darkroom
you have to knock on the door to make sure no one is opening the other door so light
doesn't get in. Well, I got so used to knocking on the door when I left that when I
left any room I would knock on the door. People looked at me like I was really
- "Super glued my hand to the cat."
- "After accidentally breaking bones in both my feet in a one-year period (one in the
left, two in the right), my doctor put me in wheelchair till they healed cause he didn't
- "Accidentally used soap instead of lotion."
- "Accidentally got catsup on the ceiling"
- "I once took a walk in my bedroom slippers... My feet were so comfy that when
I went into the store, I did not notice the pretty blue furry things I was wearing until a
store clerk pointed it out to me.."
- "I was robbed at gun point while getting out of my car. The roober told me to
throw my bags out on the ground. Being co-operative, I did. He took my overnight bag
containing clothing, make-up, shoes etc, etc., and left my purse with 4 dollars lying on
the ground and ran. That overnight bag was very important--so I stood up, waved the
purse over my head and yelled 'Sir, sir, you have my bag of clothes -- come back and get
my purse please!' He didn't! But we found my bag a block away."
- "Put a suction cup toy on my forehead and had a big red mark there for a
- "Attempted to build computer, didn't use grounders, seperators, etc. Started
- "In college, I was in a female friend's dorm room late one night after visiting
hours drinking some godawful wine concoction with several pals when the smoke alarm
sounded in the hallway. Out of curiosity, we poked our heads out the door to
discover that the bulletin board outside the RA's room was ablaze. I raced to the
cabinet that housed the fire hose, yanked open the cabinet door with tremendous force, and
then, in my drunken state, assuming that it would take equal force to get the heavy nozzle
of the hose off of its hook, yanked it off with equally tremendous force and smashed the
**** out of my thumb. Ignnoring the pain, I stormed down the hallway toward the
blaze and shouted for my friend to turn on the water. As she did so, the hose burst
and soaked her with water while an anemic trickle dripeed out of the nozzle. In the
meantime, the RA had emerged from her room, thrown a cupful of water on the blaze, and
gone back to bed."
- "My grandmother gave me my grandfather's watch for my high school graduation.
My little brother was curious how it worked, so he decided to open it up.
With a brick."
- "Used body lotion as hair conditioner."
- "I once woke up to my sister telling me someone was on the phone for me. I
picked up a can of Pepsi and said hello. Not only that: I got pissed when no one
- "I left my bath water running, and flooded the bathroom."
- "I have lit the wrong end of a cigarette more than once. I have flicked the
entire cigarette out the car window when attempting to flick only the ash. (Guess I
should quit smoking; the fact that I do is moronic enough.)"
- "Stuck a $150 CD-ROM into a 5-1/4 inch drive on a computer."
- "I have driven away from a McDonald's and left my daughter in the bathroom.
(I went back after leaving the parking lot). I have walked out of my house with my
office keys and left my house and car keys on the kitchen table. I have placed my
cellular telephone onto the top of my car to take my jacket off and hang it up before
driving to work, forgotten about it, then seen it fly off my roof into moving traffic
behind me while I drove at high speed."
- "I was in a rush and lifted the lid of the toilet instead of the hamper and threw
in my socks! About twenty seconds later I realized what I had done."
- "I put the baby in the cabinet and the groceries in the crib."
- "I went swimming, in the ocean, in Massachusetts, in November, in a snow
- "I started to open a bottle of wine, then I took the corkscrew out before I was
even halfway done, thinking I already got the cork out"
- "I stole my best friend's mail box."
- "I once walked out of the cleaners and dropped all of my clothes on the dirty
ground as soon as I was outside."
- "My baseball team robbed a convience store while coming home from a game."
- "I have burnt an antique book that was worth $130 but it only had $3 on the
- "I'm a doctor and I once took an x-ray of somebody without putting the film
- "Once upon a time, I decided to steal a beer from a convenience store. So I
picked it up and put it just inside my leather coat. I made it halfway out the door
when I began to have second thoughts, so I took it back to the beer aisle. As I was
removing said beer to place it back where it belonged, it slipped from my grip and broke
all over the floor."
- "I was lucky enough to get a copy of a final exam before test day... on test day, I
had this test out and accidentally turned in the copy rather than the one I just filled
out. The instructor knew it was a copy because the answers were written in the
instructor's hand writing, and it said Master Copy where the name was
supposed to be."
- "Many moons ago my wife and I were driving to the ACME Wedding Chapel to be
married. My window was rolled up and hers was rolled down, or so I thought.
When I tried to toss my gum across the car and out her window, it bounced off and stuck to
her glasses. She nearly wet her pants but after much begging and pleading decided to
marry me anyway."
- "I spent an hour making a romantic dinner and then proceeded to pretend I was happy
when he showed up with a pizza."
- "Lost my shoe in a giant mud puddle."
- "First taking the moron test. Then telling about it."
- "I have worn two different color shoes at the same time."
- "Sat on the toilet without turning on the light--and sat on my cat, who was
drinking out of it."
- "Accidentally used bug spray on hair instead of hairspray."
- "For a project, I dressed up as cupid with a cape and rollerblades (so I could fly)
and all. And that's not the moronic thing. The cape started on fire from the
candles we had set out, and when I rollerbladed across the room, the flame engulfed my
cape. My teacher jumped over some desks and put me out, and after it was all over, I
sat up and said, 'Was I on fire?'"
- "Put my shoes on the wrong feet."
- "Chased a sheep into my mate's tent."
- "Tried to find a cigarette while I was smoking one."
- "I have run down a major highway in hot pursuit of my horses, while wearing my
husband's slippers, with cell phone in hand, and wearing a suit for work."
- "My cat was behind the tv and only her tail was showing. Being the moron that I am,
I thought it was a mouse and took a meat cleaver and chopped it off. I realized that it
was my cat when I heard this godawful unearthly howl emanating from my television. At
first I thought my tv was possesed, but upon further investigation I realized what I had
done and rushed my cat to the vet, where I was treated as an animal killer. They weren't
too happy with me, but my cat is fine. Well, minus about 3 or so inches off her
- "I plugged a Battery into an Electric Socket."
- "I've gotten lost in an elevator."
- "Lost my remote for my car stereo, searched an hour (literally), tore up my room
and car searching for it, only to find it in my back pocket"
- "I collect ancient coins, and took my favorite one to a jeweler to have made into a
pendant for a necklace. He requested that I leave it there overnight while he priced it,
and I said no, thinking that somehow too 'unsafe.' I tucked it in my wallet, went to a
restaurant with my husband, then forgot my wallet at the table. I didn't even remember the
wallet till the next morning - even after patting all my pockets I still didn't think I
had lost it. But we retraced our steps 'just in case' - and sure enough, found the wallet
with everything except the cash and the coin inside."
- "I was checking the chemicals in my pool and fell in wearing my pajamas."
- "I have rubbed Jergens soap into my skin thinking it was skin lotion."
- "I refilled the pet turtle's bowl with hot water."
- "I have drank so much beer at happy hour that I ran through the bar and slid
straight out the front door."
- "One time, I was at a local punk show and I had been skateboarding all night and I
was really dizzy. I went into the house where the show was being held and there was
this window that looked like a mirror to me for some reason. I started looking into
the window and I was confused because I couldn't see my reflection, then I saw my friend
Dave sitting on the other side and that's when I figured out that it wasn't a
- "I repeatedly kicked a coke can away from myself while trying to pick it up in the
parking lot while on my way to redeem it for a nickel."
- "I have answered my home phone, 'Good afternoon, Associated Mortgage, how can I
direct your car?'... While driving I've stopped at a green light... Microwaved
a cup of tea without the water, which caused the micro door to blow apart... On a
first date I got locked in the john and my date had to disassemble the frame to get me
out.... In a restaurant I noted to some friends that the salt on the rim of my
strawberry margarita sure tasted sweet...."
- "When I was a little kid, I was trying to get the ketchup out of the Heinz bottle,
so I lifted it up... and tried to look up into it, to see why the ketchup wasn't
coming out. In the end, I got a pretty good idea where it was. Then I cried cause I
thought my mom was laughing at me. She was."
- "I have knocked on the door of my fridge."
- "Have answered the telephone by holding an iron up to my ear. Thank God, it wasn't
- "I was at a friend's house, taking a shower after spending the night. I hadn't
brought deodorant so I decided to use hers. I picked up a spray can and I look directly at
at it and thought to myself... Why in the hell would they write 'Extra Hold' on a can
deoderant? And then put it on my armpits anyway."
- "I tried to light a cigarette under the kitchen faucet instead of using the gas
burner on the stove as I had intended."
- "I left all the lights on in my house when I was on vacation, I left the phone off
the hook when I was away for 3 weeks, I walked into the wrong room at the doctors office,
and I left my radio and tv on all night. "
- "I have sprayed bathroom cleaner on my hair (instead of hair spray), forming a
perfect white turban."
- "Laughed at a joke that I just got when it was told two weeks ago."
- "When I was in high school my friends and I were in the experimental phase where we
would do anything to try to get a buzz. Well one of my friends consulted my other
friend and I about smoking tea. 'You get a crazy buzz,' he told us. So that Friday
night we sat in my basement and rolled up a few packets of Lipton's Tea. We smoked
it and smoked it until the entire house smelled of Lipton smoke. No buzz. Just
this year I found out that we were supposed to be smoking T, from THC."
- "I once stuck a piece of gum up my nose, and could not get it out."
- "Went to get communion at church, forgot what I was doing, and walked right past
- "Gotten mad because I could not find my glasses. Really Mad. Only to
find out that I was wearing them."
- "I have put my deodorant in the refrigerator."
- "I have washed a virgin wool sweater in hot water."
- "Lost car keys in fridge.... found a newspaper there once that I'd
- "I have called people on the phone, and when they answered I forgot who I
- "I had a book from my school library that was falling apart. On my way down
the escalator, about 100 loose sheets dropped out of the book. The moron part was
that I had to pick them all up before they went down the escalator cut off. I was
jumping around people, kicking sheets trying to keep them away from the bottom of the
escalator. After like five minutes I got them all... then noticed that there's no
way a sheet would get stuck in the escalator, as the steps have ridges so things don't get
lost in the bottom."
- "I am a moron. One time I was at a party and I was really drunk. I was
upstairs and there was this walk-out porch type thing up there. I was stumbling
around when I heard my name being called from down below outside. I started walking
towards the walk-out porch and proceeded to walk right through a screen door. But
the fun doesn't stop there... the door fell from the upper level all the way down
and landed in the hot tub below. Two people had to go to the hospital because of cuts and
I ended up sleeping in a corner of a room all night. That's my story. I am a
- "I filled up the kitchen sink to do dishes, then put my dinner in the sudsy
- "I was walking down the street on my way to therapy. All of a sudden I felt
something funny on my feet. I looked down to see my feet firmly ensconced in wet
cement. I had, without realizing it, walked over a barricade to keep people from
walking in the wet cement. I pretended nothing was unusual and kept walking...
- "I (female) shaved my head bald because all the men were doing it."
- "I left my purse in the upper basket of the grocery cart after unloading the
groceries into the car, and drove home without it."
- "Ran through a Pizza Hut parking lot and jumped in an incredibly huge snow pile for
fun, and a cop saw it and came and picked me up and called for backup because I had
another incredibly stupid friend who decided to do it too."
- "I recently sat with some friends and for over an hour we cut the match heads off
of strike-on-box matches and put 500 of then in a tennis ball, sealed the ball up, and
drove out of town and threw
it down the highway to see what would happen."
- "I recently put toilet paper in the refrigerator and peanut butter in the linen
- "I hadn't realized that my bra was hanging out of my purse and I went out in public
and everyone was staring at me like I was on crack."
- "Walked into a glass window. Did a layup in basketball and fell on the
ball. Got caught in a revolving door."
- "I have gotten lost going home"
- "When I was first married I ironed two of my husband's shirts before I noticed that
the iron was not plugged in."
- "You know how in some hotel bathrooms they have a very warm light on the ceiling to
help dry you off after you have taken a shower? Well one day I set the light for a couple
of minutes then left the bathroom forgeting to turn it off, but you see the door was left
ajar and was directly under the light. The door caught on fire, setting off the fire alarm
and filling the room with smoke. (The fire was controlled and there was very minor
- "I have put body wash on my hair without realizing it."
- "I have searched frantically for my sunglasses, only to realize that I had been
wearing them the whole time."
- "I've accidentally gotten chocolate in my hard drive."
- "At school, we have Scantron tests, and I used a pen instead of a number two
pencil. Needless to say, I got a big fat goose egg."
[I'd just like to take this opportunity to remind everyone that the Moron Test does
not require a #2 pencil--just one of the many things that makes it a superior testing
- "Went to school with a friend dressed as the two main characters from Pulp Fiction,
armed with fake guns & blood, etc. Neighbours spotted us going in through one of the
windows at the back of the house (I'd forgotten my key) and called the police to report
that they'd seen two men, armed with guns and covered in blood, breaking into the house
next door. Five minutes later we were alarmed to find the front of the house
surrounded by armed police who were shocked to find that it wasn't two crazed lunatics in
the house, but two stupid schoolkids. My embarrassment was heightened by the local
TV news deciding the incident was a newsworthy story and broadcasting it to hundreds of
thousands of homes across the region."
- "In elementary school, while playing basketball, I dribbled to the wrong basket and
shot. I don't know what was worse... going to the wrong basket or missing the
- "When I was younger, there was an exercise machine called the Slim Gym. It looked
like a cot with a hinged middle. They had one at the bowling alley where my parents'
league played. You would lay down, folded at the waist, and arch up to flatten out. Kinda
like a sit up only in reverse. I played on it once and got stuck. Not folded up like
sitting in a hammock, but at the other end of the exercise, spread eagled like some
ancient sacrifice on an altar."
- "Tried for over a minute to twist the top off a bottle while talking on the phone,
only to look down and see I'd already opened it before getting on the phone."
- "It was early in the morning and I was getting ready for school. I had
decided to cook myself an egg. Instead of cracking the egg in a bowl or pan, I
cracked it on top of the kitchen counter. I stood there with a fork in my hand for
about five minutes before I realized what was wrong with this picture."
- "Stood on my head and stacked BBs."
- "Looked for my glasses when I had them on. Worn two different shoes to
work. Went to work on my day off twice. "
- "When I was very little at the flea market, I hugged someone that wasn't my
- "Skated on fire ashes. Stuck bobby pins in light sockets. Used spell
check every letter written. Bothered coming here. Watched Nickelodeon. Watched Fox.
Subscribed to Disney. Sent post cards of gas-station events. Placed tomato cans in fires
[sounds like gun shots]. Blown up battery bombs [duracell is best]."
- "I have thrown out the banana and kept the peel."
- "I have put on one red sock & one green one for St. Patrick's day because the
other green one got a hole in it. (I'm only half Irish anyway.)"
- "I've inadvertently sprayed deodorant on my hair instead of hairspray."
- "I buy lottery tickets. Why?"
- "I actually threw 50 dollars in the trash once (but luckily found it again)... I
have looked for my glasses, when they were on top of my head... I have set stuff in the
fridge, that did not actually belong there..."
- "Walked out of a public restroom with a trail of toilet paper trailing out of my
jeans behind me."
- "I have tried to use thespacebar to delete like this:
It took me three hours to figure out I was doing something wrong."
- "I have opened the kitchen cabinets looking for ice cream. And I have opened
a door not quite far enough to go through, and then walked into the edge of it."
- "I have taken a whole roll of photos in camera without film installed."
- "I have worn two different color socks at one time... I have gone out of the
house with my top on backwards."
- "When I was in college I went into a store to buy shampoo and shoplifted the sign
that says Shoplifters will be Prosecuted."
- "I lost my termly pass the first week I bought it."
- "Coming home way past my curfew, I brought the morning newspaper in with me and set
it on the kitchen table."
- "I have said, 'Where are my keys?' when they were in my
hand. I have tried to find my glasses and could not because they were on my
head. I have taken someone else's parked cart in the grocery aisle."
- "Put my handbag in the refrigerator and then searched for hours for it."
- "I have looked at my watch while holding a mug of coffee in that
- "I have gone in and out of a particular room of the house
at least 4 times in a row, forgetting what I was looking for."
- "I pulled the bottom orange out of the stack at the
supermarket, causing an avalanche."
- "I have taken a shower and forgotten to removed my hearing aid."
- "My husband has used feminine gel as shampoo for an entire week and wondered why he
felt so sensitive..."
- "I have walked around all day with food on my mouth."
- "Misspelled my own name."
- "I have used deodorant for hairspray, and hairspray for
- "I thought I lost my contact lens, only to find it was still up
in my eye."
- "I have toilet papered my own house by accident."
- "Put the milk in the microwave and my coffee in the
- "Today I threw (literally) a rat in the garbage instead of its
cage. I guess I thought I had its cup of old food in my hand instead. I was
able to retrieve it just fine. Last night I ate a whole package of meat."
- "Repeated questions people ask me in my head before answering
- "After twenty minutes spent cleaning a lamp, I broke it with the
- "I've killed my pet. My parrot died of thirsty!"
- "I have searched the house for my wallet while it was in my
- "I spent five minutes trying to turn off my alarm clock.
The only problem was that the ringing was actually the fire alarm in my dorm."
- "One night we had a power outage in our neighborhood. We
also had no running water. I went into my bedroom to read a book by
candlelight. I set the candle by an open window. A slight breeze blew the
curtain toward the candle and the curtain caught on fire. I tried putting the flames
out by hitting the burning curtain with my book, but it only got worse. I called my
parents, who finally managed to put the fire out, but not until the curtain had burned up
and left a huge black patch on the ceiling."
- "I nearly shot off my foot with a twelve-gauge
trying to put on the safety (through the trigger hole)."
- "I have started the coffeemaker without putting
the pot back under the filter."
- "Pies that I cook spontaneously combust when put
on the top shelf of the oven at top temperature for just one minute longer than the packet
- "I have walked out of the men's toilet at a
party with a piece of toilet paper trailing meters behind me, stuck to my shoe."
- "I got chased by a police helicopter while
trying to steal a seven-foot fiberglass model chainsaw from the roof of a shop."
- "I showed up to the wrong class at uni and
stayed in it coz I didn't want to look like a dick leaving it."
- "Put milk in the cabinet instead of the
- "Locked myself out of the house after telling
someone I did to get sympathy...
- "In addition to once locking my cat in
my car... I once locked myself in my bathroom. Try explaining that to your boss when
you're late for work."