yum

"One night at the bar, I was chugging draft and slamming upside down margaritas, and ended up throwing up into my pitcher that still had some beer. Some chicks at the other table were grossed out. They thought they'd be funny and said 'we dare you to drink it!' I filled my glass and slammed it back (I probably thought it would impress them at the time). Then I finished throwing up into the jug until they threw me out."

"I pulled up what I thought was basil & put it in my spagetti sauce... almost poisoned us all! Never did figure out what it was."

"I accidentally put cough syrup in cake mix instead of vanilla."

"I once cooked a green ice pack in boiling water thinking it was a pouch of frozen peas."

"Ate a huhu grub without biting the head off first. As if it wasn't bad enough!"

"I once ate what I thought was a caramel square... it was a bouillion cube (yuck). A few weeks ago, on a dare, I drank a small bowl of pot sticker sauce, that my friend had been double dipping in."

"Ate roast apple ankweeus! Oh yeah, and I also thought Sha-Na-Na was a great show!"

"My older sister stuck a straw into the sand in the sandbox and told me that it tasted like a chocolate shake. It took me 20 minutes to stop choking on the sand after I sucked up a big mouthful. I have an excuse for this moron behavior though... I was four."

"Poured dog food on my dinner instead of gravy."

"I once ate what I thought was 'that one burnt rice crispy,' but I realized it wasn't once I felt it squirming around in my mouth."

"I have swatted flies which were sitting on my food."

"I dropped some toast on the floor, then ran it under the tap to wash the mucky bits off..."

"Bark like a dog when I see a cheeseburger."

"I took the time to count the kernels on a cob of corn while it was being cooked. I don't know where I really came up with this."

"I once made sweet potato gravy, thinking that the pan contained meat drippings... "

"One day I was visting my ant when I ended up eating Raisin Bran with these beetles in them."
[I have chosen to leave the typos in, because I'm not sure they're typos.]

"I was holding a hotdog and a piece of dog poop in a napkin that I had just picked up off the floor. Guess what I took a bite of."

"I ate worms."

"One time when I was a kid, I tried to eat ten pancakes and my mom let me. Worst of all, I was just getting over the flu. I think I have never thrown up that much in my entire life. That was 13 years ago and I still dislike pancakes. Just today I was leaving the school auditorium and I thought I only had one step to climb down but it was more like five or six."

"First thing in the morning, not quite awake, going for that first cup of coffee, I have filled the sugar bowl instead of my coffee cup."

"I drank from my husband's Dr. Pepper, thinking it was my own Coca Cola, complaining all the while that my drink didn't taste like coke..."

"I went to McDonalds, ordered a 'Big Breakfast,' and asked for my eggs over easy."

"The other day I was in a KFC shop and drank my Pepsi out of a paper cup. Seeing the cup empty and ketchup and hot chili sauce bottles on the table, I emptied the two bottles in my cup, added salt and pepper. I went to complain to the manager about the soft drink quality and showed him my cup. Incredibly enough, he fired the guy who served me on the spot."

"I have actually taken gum out of the wrapper, thrown the gum away and have almost put the wrapper in my mouth. Dammit. That was good gum, too."

"I poured milk directly into the NestleQuik container instead of my glass."

"Sneezed popcorn while laughing."

"I have put food to my mouth before opening it."

"I have poured bottled water over my cereal."

"My sister was putting my hair in braids. I took the squirt bottle of water and sprayed it in my mouth. She hadn't told me she'd mixed hairspray with the water."

"One time when I was at my friend's house, we made whiskey milkshakes and added a lot of chocolate syrup so that her mom wouldn't smell it."

"My friends were having a slumber party and wanted to put the ice cream in the punch. I handed the ice cream to Stacey and she asked 'Just put it in?' I said 'Yes.' So she put it in. Carton and all."

"Huffed gas and freon and butane in grade school."

"I poured Pepsi over my cereal."

"When I was little, I spied a small serving dish of pretty, pale rosettes in my grandmother's bathroom. They looked like candy, so I ate one. It never occurred to me to ask why she'd keep candy in her bathroom till I bit in - it was guest soap. On a $10 dare when I was a teenager, I drank a glass of coffee with 2 flavors of pancake syrup, milk, salt, pepper, the hot flakes you put on pizza, and cigarette ashes. I got the $10 and I didn't throw up."

"Confused the breast milk for the regular milk."

"I once served myself dogfood thinking it was cereal, poured milk over it, and ate a spoonful."

"I made chicken pot pie with a goat."

"I ate a Habañero pepper thinking it was about as hot as a bell pepper. Of course, as I soon (soon!) found out, it is the hottest pepper in the northern hemisphere. I couldn't taste for a day and had to eat a whole thing of sour-cream before it stopped burning. (I found out an hour or so later that acidic fruit will do alot for the burning.) Apparently my 'friends' thought the look of agony on my red face was funny. I wonder how funny they would have thought my burning 'fire' diarrhea was? Yes, crapping what feels like lava with firecrackers in it is a damned hoot."

"Once, when I was about 8 years old, I was walking past the kitchen table and noticed a large spoon with what I thought was cake icing on it. Overjoyed, I promptly put the spoon in my mouth and pulled off its contents with my lips. Only then did I realize that the spoon didn't have icing on it. It was creamed shortening. It took a whole tube of toothpaste to get it out of my mouth!"

"Once I put peanut butter in my hair thinking it was some new kind of shampoo. Then I put the shampoo on my toast."

"When my brother was 12 he drank bleach."

"Once for a dollar bet I thumped my weiner in some lasagna. Then for another dollar, my friend says, 'Keep eating it,' so I do... then he laughs and says, 'Ha ha, I don't have another dollar.'"

"I have made a sandwich with salmon and strawberry porridge without even knowing it, and it tasted good."

"I ate dog food, thinking it was beef stew... it was actually really good."

"Warmed up a pizza in the oven without taking it out of the box."

"I haven't poured orange juice on my cereal, but I have accidently poured 7-up (R) on my Raisin Bran (R). After realizing it, I tried to cover it up by pouring Milk (R) over it. This was a bad thing."

"I have eaten shaving cream thinking it was whipped cream."

"My friend gave me a quarter to play a video game, but we had to leave the arcade. For some reason, I put it in my mouth. We hit a bump in hte road, and I swallowed it. A week later, I had to go to the hospital and get it taken out of my stomach. It turned out to be a $2000 quarter!"

"I didn't think that quesadillas really had jalapeno peppers in them. I had a quesadilla and my mouth started to burn. Since I hate spicy things, I told the waitress that I prefer all of my food mild and bland. She just started laughing and had to excuse herself."

"I kept wondering why my T.V. dinner with pork in it looked so much like ham."

"I drank a quart of prune juice on a $1.00 bet once. In only 15 minutes, I realized I had made a terrible mistake. The sad part of the tale is that my friend paid me only 31 cents, as the prune juice had cost 69 cents, and he had to replace it. For those who don't know, prune juice is an excellent laxative, best used in doses of much less than one quart!"

"I drank a liquid depressant when I was already feeling depressed!"

"While raiding the fridge, I opened up a promising-looking Tupperware container, and, thinking the container held chili, plucked out a chunk that I thought was beef and popped it into my mouth. It was a whole chipotle chile pepper."

"When I was really little I was over at my neighbor's house, and after talking to me they went in and closed the door. I spied this blue jug of what I thought was punch, but when I tasted the bitter fluid I read the label. It turned out it was actually window wiping fluid! I was so ashamed because I knew I had stolen, and I was embarassed about being so dumb, so I took it and hid it in the field acroos the street from my house."

"I have been intoxicated and ate chili."

"One time this dude bet me to eat a Dixie Cup. You know, that small paper cup in people's bathrooms. I tried tearing it up and downed a small piece and it tasted like crap. So I had to get some Listerine Cool Mint mouthwash and saturate the cup so it would at least taste somewhat respectable. It took me a while but I ate the cup. I threw up a little while later because it turns out you're not supposed to drink Listerine. I got a dollar, though, so I feel like I came out the winner in that one."

"I poured a 5 lb. bag of sugar into a pitcher of tea, thinking it was the canister."

"The first time I ordered steak tartare I was asked how I'd like it prepared. I said medium well."

"I have eaten many aspirin, thinking they were M&Ms."

"I have poured salt into my coffee instead of sugar."

"While hungover I stopped and bought a Diet Pepsi to quench my thirst. While sipping it I figured the horrible taste was a result of my hangover. Each sip caused me to gag. Anyhow I picked up my girlfriend and while driving she asked for a drink of my pop. As soon as she sipped it she spit it out. The pop was spoiled beyond belief. Had I looked at it I might have noticed the thick molasses-type globs floating around the tea-colored layers."

"I have choked on air."

"I once, as a child of... oh, 10 or 12 years old, drank from a large measuring cup in the fridge what I thought was chocolate milk. It turned out to be bacon fat...."